


It Doesn’t Matter

by dipcrapjoseph



Series: Towards the Morning Sun [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Josh Dun, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Josh Dun, i need a tyler in my life, nothing too graphic in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28110042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dipcrapjoseph/pseuds/dipcrapjoseph
Summary: It didn't matter that Josh had to walk on eggshells when Luke was around. It didn't matter that when Josh would have a panic attack, Luke would get angry at him for being dramatic. It didn't matter cause they loved each other.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Towards the Morning Sun [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077275
Kudos: 10





	It Doesn’t Matter

Josh was driving home his boyfriend after a long night of hanging out. They'd been going out for a few months now and though they had their differences, both were in love with the other. 

It didn't matter that sometimes Luke got angry. It didn't matter that he would get angry and scream and shout until Josh was a sobbing mess in the driver seat. It didn't matter that Josh had to walk on eggshells when Luke was around. It didn't matter that when Josh would have a panic attack, Luke would get angry at him for being dramatic. It didn't matter cause they loved each other. 

That was what mattered. 

It also didn't matter that Luke got sex by using phrases like "if you love me you'll do it." Or "c'mon, baby, don't you wanna show me how much you love me? Cause I feel like you don't right now." 

And just like that, Josh would go right to his arms and let him do what he pleased. Cause Josh is a good boyfriend (that's what Luke tells him after they're done).

That's what was happening tonight. Josh was driving his boyfriend home to his apartment when he said, "Josh, baby, pull over real quick."

Not wanting to disturb the peace, Josh did as he was told. 

Once the car had stopped Luke leaned over the center console and put his hands on Josh's cheek. His hands were soft and sweet and his thumb brushed up and down. Josh couldn't help but relax and lean into the feeling. 

"Baby, could you come over and sit on my lap? Just a quickie, I really need you right now."

Josh took in a small breath, "Luke I really don't feel like doing anything tonight, i'm sorry."

This made Luke put his other hand on Josh's face so he could look directly into his eyes, "Baby, i feel like you're never in the mood. You know it hurts me right? It makes me feel like you've found someone else, like you don't love me anymore." He pauses and thread his fingers through Josh's hair, pulling him closer, "Don't you wanna make me happy. Don't you wanna show me how much you love me" 

He said this as if Josh had never put effort into the relationship before. Like Josh hadn't been to one to always drive everywhere and pay for everything. Like Josh hadn't stopped talking to Tyler, his childhood best friend, just because Luke didn't like him. Like Josh didn't let himself be constantly pushed past his own boundaries for Luke's pleasure. 

However, all that was going through Josh's mind was, "you're right, I wanna make sure you know how much I love you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

At that, Luke let a smile slip past his lips and slowly started to drag Josh over the console onto his lap. 

He placed Josh facing away from him, it made sense to Josh. Who would want to see his face, it would be nothing but a turn off. 

Josh held his breath as Luke all but ripped Josh's clothes off. He stared straight ahead as his body was used. He shut his eyes tightly as Luke finished inside him, and tried not to think about the uncomfortable feeling. He didn't say a word when Luke immediately shoved him off of him, back to the driver seat, and started getting angry that he had wanted to be home already and Josh hadn't dropped him off yet. Josh didn't bat at eye at the fact that he got no pleasure what so all from the interaction. He never did, why would that change now. 

After Luke had safely gone inside, Josh started to drive away. As soon as he did tears started to cloud his vision. Soon he was driving with no vision and all the breath leaving his lungs. 

Miraculously, he made it to his apartment without crashing the car. As soon as he walked inside and shut the door he collapsed to the ground and started sobbing. Ugly sobbing full of confusion and sadness and pain. 

He could already feel the upcoming panic attack. His breaths were getting shorter and shorter, his limbs started shaking. He wouldn't be surprised if someone told him he no longer had hands and feet, they were so numb. The crushing weight in his head was only increasing and he knew he wasn't gonna be able to just do some breathing exercises and get out of it. 

He should call Luke, he could help. 

No he shouldn't, Luke will only get angry and make it worse.

At this point he barely had enough control to pick up his phone and when he went to his contacts to call Luke, Tyler's name caught his eye. 

It was still in his favorites and as Josh hit his name, all he could hope was that Tyler wasn't still mad at him. Hope that Tyler didn't hate him anymore. 

On the second ring (or the third or the forth, Josh really couldn't decipher anymore) a soft, "Josh, hello?" came through the speaker. 

All Josh could do at that sound was let loose an awful sob and quick sharp breaths.

You could practically hear Tyler's eyes widen and there was a shuffling sound on his end. "Josh, are you ok? What's wrong? Where are you?"

Josh could hear the fear in Tyler's voice and he just prayed that it wouldn't soon turn to anger. This was stupid why would he call Tyler. Tyler will be angry with him for calling so late. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. 

"Josh? Josh, can you hear me? I know it's hard but i need you to tell me where you are so i can come help."

Josh took in the biggest breath he could before weakly muttering "Apartment."

Luckily that was enough for Tyler and he was soon promising he was driving over and would be there soon. He stayed on the phone the whole time, listening to Josh struggle to breathe as he tried to talk him down. 

Faster then Josh could comprehend, Tyler was coming though the door of Josh's apartment. Hadn't he shut the door? Maybe not. Oh, Tyler still has a key. 

Tyler rushes in to find Josh was curled in a ball on the floor by the sofa. He slowly approaches him and Josh seems to flinch with each step. 

"Josh, can I touch you?" Tyler asked. 

That was both the right and wrong question to ask as it sent Josh throwing his hands in front of his face as he tried to move backwards away from Tyler, letting out soft whimpers as he did so. 

Tyler put his hands up in a surrender motion and calmly said, "Hey, Josh, it's okay i won't touch you if you don't want me to. I'll stay right here we won't do anything you don't want."

That helped to calm Josh down a little and his hands went back to his scalp, pulling and tugging violently at the hair. 

This was the first time Tyler had seen Josh in months and it broke his heart, the state of his best friend. He was skinner then when he last saw him. His hair color was faded, almost all the way back to brown. A lot of the muscle he had seemed to have vanished. His eyes were wide and scared, and that is what broke Tyler. 

As Tyler finished looking over his best friend he noticed a hickey on his neck. It was dark like it had been done recently. His whole neck was quite red now that he was looking. This struck Tyler as strange. He knew Josh was asexual and didn't really like any sexual contact. Josh has come out to him ages ago, terrified that he was broken. It had taken a lot to convince him that it was perfectly normal, and that it didn't make him unloveable. 

All this happened in the span of a few second and soon Tyler was back to trying to calm Josh down. 

"Josh, can you do something for me? I promise it will help."

There was no reaction for a few seconds before Josh gave a subtly nod of his head.

"Ok, Josh, i'm gonna need you to take a big deep breath for me. Just one, love. Can you do that? Please?"

After that you could hear one shaky intake from Josh before he let out his big breath and started his fast paced breathing again.

"That was so so good Joshie. Can you do it one more time for me?"

Josh shook his head, but went on to take another breath as deep as he could manage.

This went on for a while before Josh was able to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before letting it out. Tyler stayed with him and talked him through every second. 

"I'm sorry," we're the first words that Josh muttered. "I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry i made you mad." 

Tyler's heart broke again, "Josh, honey, why would I be mad?"

"Luke is always mad when i have a panic attack."

"I promise i'm not mad at all, it's okay."

It was then that Josh finally pulled his hands out of his hair and went to reach for Tyler. Seeing the invitation, Tyler immediately went to hold him in the softest way he could. One arm was wrapped around him and one hand was in his hair, softly massaging his scalp, he knew it had to have been sore. 

"Josh, you have no reason to be sorry. It's ok, I promise," he paused, "can you tell me what happened?"

Josh shuddered in his arms a little before he seemed to deflate more then he already had.

"It's Luke," he said, "He makes me... do things that I don't wanna do. And I feel so guilty cause I know I should want to do them but I don't and it's not fair to him so I do but it makes me feel so awful. I feel so disgusting."

This made Tyler furious, though he didn't show that to Josh. That was not what he needed right now. 

Tyler gave Josh a small peck on the top of his forehead before asking, "What does he do if you say no?"

Another shudder, "He gets really mad and starts yelling. Or he starts doing it anyways. Tells me that if I loved him I would do it. Tyler I don't want to anymore." Josh told Tyler what had happened that night to trigger everything. 

Josh then started to cry again. But not a panicked cry, just a soft broken cry of someone who has been hurt too many times. 

Tyler himself started to cry. He knew how much this was hurting his best friend and he had stood by long enough. He wasn't gonna let that monster continue to hurt his Josh. 

"Josh, I need you to listen to me." Tyler put one of his hands softly under Josh's chin and the other stayed in his hair. 

They made eye contact and Tyler said, "Josh, you need to break up with him. He is not good for you. He's hurting you and making you think there is something wrong with you. Josh, you are the most perfect person I know. You are the sweetest and the kindest and just your presence lights up a room. I hate seeing you hurt. Please leave him. Please leave him before you lose yourself." 

At this point they were both crying and Josh put himself right back against Tyler's chest, where he could hear his heart beat. 

This is what love was, Josh thought. This was how it was supposed to be. And all the things that didn't matter before, suddenly didn't matter for a different reason. Cause he had love, right here in Tyler's arms.

**Author's Note:**

> you have the right to say no
> 
> would y’all want a prequel where josh comes out to tyler


End file.
